What's time anyway?
Merely the most valuable, most precious resource you'll ever own. And yes, you do own your time. You do with it what you want, whether you're willing to admit to that or not.
You help your disabled mother--because you have to? If you truly didn't want to do it, then you shouldn't be doing it. Caring for a loved one is most certainly a want.
Prioritizing duties is important, but before you can do that, you have to decide what your wants are.
I want to be able to make a living writing, someday.
What do I have to do to make this a reality?
I have to write--today. Can't sell books I don't have, especially as an unpublished writer.
Have-tos only exist because of want-tos.
I want my mother to always know how much I love her.
I have to care for my mother when she can't care for herself.
I want my kids to know I love them and that I value them.
I have to eat supper with my kids, instead of in front of the computer.
I want my kids to do well in school.
I have to go over my kids' homework with them.
List your desires, your wants. The have-tos will take care of themselves. If there's a have-to on your list that no matter how hard you try, you can't trace back to a want-to, then it's not really a have-to. You're fooling yourself and the first thing you need to do is figure out why--because somewhere, somehow, there is certainly a want-to involved.
Do you want all your fellow church members to see how devoted you are, so you spend extra time volunteering for the tasks no one else wants?
I critique stories for my friends. Why? Because I want my friends to understand that I appreciate them when they critique my stories. Critiquing their stories is a good way to show that appreciation.
I vacuum every morning when the kids and my husband leaves... Because I want to be able to look around the room and not be distracted by things I might need to do later.
What you must do, to make the most efficient use of your time--to make certain you're doing the things you want the most, first--is prioritize your wants. If you find false wants (wants that you look at and say "now wait a minute, I don't really want that...." then you'll know you've found something great. Time usage that can be eliminated, since you're likely spending time making a want a reality when you don't actually want that want to become a reality--or you don't care one way or another.
Honesty is essential. This process can be brutal. Especially if it makes you question things you've believed for a long time.
On the other hand, you might discover that some of the tasks you've long felt were time wasters are actually ways you're satisfying some of your most important wants. Like "I want my husband to know I love and appreciate him" or "I want to make my children laugh" or even "I want to relax sometimes." The list will give validation to the time you spend on the things you knew were important but never really understood why.
I've always thought I wanted to be a "published writer". Well, turns out I don't want to be a published writer. I want to write, and I want to make money at it so I don't have to work at anything but writing. Becoming a published writer isn't a want, it's a have-to to make my want-to come true.
Also, don't be surprised if writing doesn't fall at the very top of the list. Always be honest with yourself. Having your mother know you love her is probably going to be more important. Having your kids know you love them is going to be more important. Heck, having your kids succeed in school is going to be more important. Just make the list and worry about fitting it all together later.
It might look something like this:
I want my kids to know I love them.
I want my mother to know I love her.
I want my husband to know I love and appreciate him.
I want to write.
I want to relax sometimes.
I want to live a long time.
On that last one I almost said "be healthy", but looking at those words made me very aware of how untrue that is. Being healthy is a have-to associated with my real want-to. And that's the beauty of this way of doing things. When you write down those want-tos you get a chance to analyze them and try to understand if what you're saying is real.
Like anyone who looks at a budget comes to realize, as far as material goods go, you can't have it all. You can't have everything you want all the time.
As far as non-material wants go, it's no different. You can't have it all.
So decide. Decide what you want most. Allocate time to those tasks that will be required for you to feel like you've made your want a reality.
I want to live a long time.
I have to exercise, at least thirty minutes each day.
I have to spend time cooking healthy meals.
I want to relax sometimes.
I have to take time away from all my have-tos and just veg out!
I want my husband to know I love and appreciate him.
I have to cook sometimes--something he likes. ;-)
I have to make time for him in the evenings even if I would rather be writing or reading.
Take your have-tos and give them life. Assign a time to do or an amount of time you'd like to spend on them. Let the unimportant things fall away. Remember the prioritized order of your want list. Use it to keep on track.
And don't be afraid to revisit your list from time to time and ask yourself if you still want the same things. People change day to day, week to week. You can't be sure what you'll want two months from now. I'm certainly not!
Good luck!
